What makes this not so normal gal happy?

What makes me happy? Like I said, I am a walking paradox. What one day can make me happy, the next can make me sad. Maybe that is just a human thing. Everything changes with time. Our perspectives do. This is a thought that has invaded my mind for a while – changing the way I cope with things. I happen to be the type of person that holds anger and sadness in. I don’t say much about what I feel when it comes to the negative feelings I have. I believe in a “vibe” that we all put out. I never want people around me to feel the intensity of my anguish. I rather people experience the person I was destined to be, not the person with all this weight on her shoulders. I also never want people to see me and see a weak person. Especially those that I love. I want to show them that it is possible to be happy even when the events in their lives don’t lead a path to contentment. Don’t get me wrong, showing your emotions does not make you weak, but the way you manage tells a lot about a person. Everyone is watching. At least that is how I feel as the oldest. Again, I want to remind you that I don’t condemn anybody’s actions. Everyone is free to express their own as they like.

So, back to the question. What makes this not so normal gal happy?

A lot of people would say things that have about little to none value in my life. Material things, they don’t matter to me. Money comes and goes. I am not attached to those things.

Human connection

In my life I want to know people. I don’t mean a superficial relationship. No acquittances. I mean I want to know people well enough to know what they fear, love, hate… etc. That gives value to my life in my eyes and brings me joy. If I can change a person’s life for the better just by knowing them, then that is what I am going to do. I love people. I mean that. I care so much about people that probably don’t see me and that is okay to me. I understand that we all live in our own little bubble. In the end, I believe we are all not so different from each other.

Family and Friends

What would I do without these amazing people in my life. I could not be where I am without anyone that I hold dear to my heart, even those that have hurt me. I would do anything for my family and friends. Their happiness makes me the happiest little girl in the world. I work and make a good amount of money and I can say that about 90% of it goes to them. I take my siblings out or my friends. I help with whatever my parents need. That makes me happy as crazy as it sounds. Giving them everything I have.

Knowledge

The more you know the harder it is to see the reality of things, but even then, I love knowing. I love learning trivial things that maybe nobody would care about. Like when music was made or how it was made or the president’s birthday or when the telegraph was invited or the year a car was produced or when a movie first came on. I can probably watch those old tv shows like wheel of fortune or jeopardy or family fortune on repeat. You learn something. I love lessons that people and events in your life can bring. I know I am only 22, but I feel 52. I have gone through so much that I know more than the average person. I see the patterns. I see the numbers. I love that. What I am studying I also love. Systems engineering has taught me many aspects of engineering. Even though at times they can be difficult, I still really enjoy learning. I just want to know as much as I can before I leave this place, you know? That would make me happier to go.

Happy